Step One

I made a phone call. I swallowed down deep, my heart beat fast, and I pushed those buttons. I made a phone call! I know I sound a bit "the loser" for thinking myself so cool for making a phone call. But I made the phone call that got the ball rolling. I took positive action. I'm going in to a school tomorrow to meet with a woman who will help me to find a bit of volunteer work in the school. Afternoon homework help and the like.

After tomorrow's meeting I will email the university powers. I will tell them what I have planned. And I will remind them that I am still here, fighting to finish my degree. I will tell them that I am coming back. They will be shocked that I'm still here. And I will smile.

Since that tiny little phone call, I haven't been able to wipe the smile off my face. I've sat in my hallway, sorting through toiletries, grinning like a mad woman. If anyone would've seen me they would've thought I was a bit "special", for sure. But I don't care. I don't care how small or insignificant this step is. It's the first step. The one that makes the other steps happen. Next thing you know, I'll be standing in front of hundreds of people, wearing a goofy gown and cap, and graduating. Me. Graduating. Okay, so I know that step one and graduation might be worlds apart, but I can't help but feel worlds closer to my goal.

Step One has taught me a major lesson today. Don't overthink things. Sometimes, it's worth assuming the best of people, assuming that people are good and generous and want to help you. Because in the end, the only thing that has been stopping me this whole time has been me. Me thinking that people would turn me away, and shoot me down again and again. Did anyone ever shoot me down? No! They may have laid some bricks down in front of me, but that high wall? All my own doing, baby. And, brick by brick, I'm-a-pullin' them down.

In other news, my house is almost back in order. It's taken us a week of being home from our big trip, but it's slowly starting to resemble a house that I live in. Including mass ant genocide last night. Home is good, friends are good, and I've taken Step One. Today is one of those good days.

And I swear, soon, I will figure out how to turn this into a photographic sensation. Any day now. Maybe it will be Step Two? Thank you, little blog, for taking in my thoughts without judgement. I dig you, and I will, in return, look after you.

-- R.