yesterday, at the beginning of what was supposed to be a celebratory dinner for our one year anniversary, my mother handed me a letter from monash. last week a letter from monash arrived at my parents' place too, and that turned out to be a post-graduate survey, so she naturally thought nothing of it. i, too, was sceptical as i ripped the envelope open. it was a very brief, very concise letter. it couldn't be the determining-your-fate kind of letter. no way. when someone breaks your heart and your dreams, telling you that they don't think you're fit to return to your course, they at least take a few words to say it, right? i mean, dude clearly hasn't heard of a friggin' compliment sandwich.
anyway, point being, i was not granted readmission into the course. so now comes follow up time. i've taken today off to wallow in my sad, sad solitude. in the back of my mind i am hoping he made a mistake. my case was undeniably strong, right? i did everything they asked of me. i have arguments to make, cases to plead. and i will. but today, i wallowed. and it was hard, and painful for my soul, and i felt like i took a marathon of backward-steps.
but tomorrow? o, the beauty i know tomorrow brings. tomorrow brings a sunrise, and photos and roses on windowsills...
and matching gym outfits and a warm, kitten-baked lap...
and birthday cake and espresso martinis and reunions with oldish friends. and that fightin' spirit will rear it's head.
and in the back of my mind, somewhere, i know that. but for tonight, there's half a season of ANTM to be watched on youtube, and carols by candlelight creating a rather apt wallowing-backing-track. and there's a warm, loving, supporting husband and family to surround me. and i could be worse off than that.
-- R.
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