i mean, maybe we reach it for a moment. a fleeting moment. we get what we want and then, just when we think we should be happy now, it's gone and it's over and we are left wanting more. could be because we think that if what we wanted was achievable, then maybe we should have aimed higher in the first place.
i am so happy, thrilled, over the cheese about monash. about my dip ed. when i first laid my eyes on the sweet greenlight letter, i felt deserving, proud and at peace. but, two weeks later, i waiver. i can't wait to get started. i want to start now. no, scratch that. i want to start months ago. i want my time back, i want my time again. i want to have known then what i know now, and to suck it up and do what needs to be done. then. not now.
it's so hard for me to let it go. all the wasted time (all the million hours). i know i will be yelled at for saying it, especially here, but it's so the truth. and i know i have to work on forgiving myself for making a mistake. and i know that i should give myself the same opportunity to be judged on my comeback and not on the fall. and in time, with a little hope and a little help, i will.
it's been a week of unchange. the dust settles, routine kicks in, and everything is back to normal. but still, i must strive to reach greater goals. in the spirit of the show i am directing, little shop of horrors, today i am thinking of how i intend to better myself.
and, off the top of my head, here's what i'm workin' on:
one. finishing off arguments.
two. never walking away.
three. always considering apologies (and doing my best to accept them).
four. thinking instead of racing - seems counterintuitive but you get more done.
five. encouraging instead of eyebrow-raising.
six. doing what i say i'll do.
seven. supporting the initiatives of family and friends.
and that'll do for the weekend. cheers.
-- R.
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