are you in the club?

there is a universal club but it's very secret. it's one of those amazing things - when you finally stumble upon it, you can't believe you hadn't noticed it earlier. and the funny thing is, i sometimes felt so alone in this world, not knowing about the club. but as i am slowly realising the vastness of its membership, i am becoming more and more comfortable with my status as an uncertain.

it's not just me who doesn't know what to do with her life. in fact, some of my most intelligent, most motivated friends are leading members of the club. there have been moments when i thought it was because i wasn't intelligent or enough of a go-getter that i have been 'left behind', not knowing exactly what my direction is in life. but it's not, it's so not. i know i'll find my purpose. and being overseas, contemplating the bigger picture of my life and where i'm headed, well, i'm finally beginning to get excited.

don't get me wrong. it's a bit of a two steps forward, one step back situation. every other day i feel panicked and unsure. i think to myself, 'i'm never going to figure it out. i'm going to spend my life in this ridiculous state of anxiety and then time will pass me by and i'll be exactly where i started'. and then there are days like today, when i get to spend my time with other members of the club, members who make me laugh and think and feel confident and happy and beautiful.

and now i am sitting in a very special person's house in notting hill, london, and i'm smiling just thinking about the joys and comforts and challenges and adventure that lie ahead. the promise of discovering new and exciting things, of finding a career that makes me happy, of spending more beautiful time with club members and imagining all the good things that might come my way. this club is kinda awesome.

-- R